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"Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" Movie Review
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Well, I haven't ranted and raved in several months, so I figure I'm overdue. The big news is that "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider", the much hyped summer block-buster, was released last weekend. The movie managed to gross over $47 million (US) in its opening weekend, easily taking over the number one spot from "Pearl Harbor". This movie is the culmination of five installations of the video game, no less than eleven writers. After spending two years in the making, the long-awaited movie has hit the silver screen.

I'm not much of a movie-goer, and prefer to watch movies in the comfort of my own home on my VCR for a quarter the price, but my cousin was in town and wanted to repay myself and my for our hospitality by treating us to dinner and a movie. Hey, I'm not going to turn down the chance to check out the hype for myself, and for free yet.

If you're reading this with the thought that this is some kind of movie review, then let me get the movie review out of the way right up front: If you are a movie buff and are expecting Academy Award winning performances, thoughtful and intelligent writing, great cinematography and a gripping story, then you're in for a disappointed. For you discriminating movie viewers, let me tell you that the movie sucks. If you're an Angelina Jolie fan looking for an opportunity to see some skin in a soft-porn situation, you will also be disappointed. However, if you like plot-light high-action flicks or just want an opportunity to see a padded Angelina Jolie bounce for 97 minutes, then this movie is for you.

This movie is essentially one non-stop action sequence. From the first minute of the movie you'll be thrown into the middle of that action and dragged along until you reach the end. In fact the movie doesn't even bother to slow down for some plot development. If you thought that "Tomorrow Never Dies" was a great James Bond movie, then you'll think this is a great movie too.

Dialogue in the movie is pretty much limited only to Lara Croft's trademark one-liners, which are mildly-witty-at-best. I assume that was intended to limit the number of lines Ms. Jolie would have to deliver in her fake aristocrat British accent. Don't get me wrong, the accent's not bad, but then again, keep in mind that I'm a Yank, and couldn't tell a bad British accent if I made one up myself.

Credit Ms. Jolie for outshining her own stuntwoman. Initial reports of injuries sustained by Ms. Jolie because of her vanity in insisting on doing her own stunts were debunked by Premire magazine's report last month. It turns out that Ms. Jolie was able to perform many of the stunts that her stunt double was unable to perform. For instance, there is a scene in the movie where Lara must "surf" a large log suspended from the ceiling in order to smash open an urn. The stuntwoman was unable to stay standing on the swinging log, while Ms. Jolie was able to accomplish the task. A few of the injuries sustained by Ms. Jolie was due to the problem that her wardrobe did not prove any padding. Well, in fact there was a little padding, but not enough to protect her from the bumps and abrasions of the stunts that was required of her.

If you compare film industry critics reviews to the reviews of average joes, you'll find that there is a significant disparity between the scores that the professional critic gives this movie and the average movie-goer gives this movie. In general you'll find that the critics have panned this movie for all the reasons I've mentioned above, but the opinion of some 5.6 million movie-goers can't be ignored. Yes, the movie sucks, but it was still a hoot to watch. Can you wrap your head around that?

If you continue to read on from this point, I guarantee that I will spoil the movie for you. I won't give away the whole ending, but I will comment on events that may ruin the movie for you. So if you haven't seen the movie yet and are concerned, then stop reading now. Otherwise, allow me to move on to what I thought of the movie based on someone who has spent a significant amount of time with the Tomb Raider games and transcribing the video sequences from the games.

Brian, our Executive Editor whose opinion I respect greatly, thinks that portions of my diatribe is inappropriate for younger readers, and he is probably right as usual, but let's face it, how many kids in their early teens are going to get this far into this boring rant? If you're under thirteen (13) years of age, please have your parents read this with you to provide the proper guidance for what is said. Now back to your regularly scheduled rant.
Canon Balls
Let me get the bulk of my ranting out of the way to make room for the raving to follow. My biggest peeve of the movie is the disparity of Lara's butler and father between the movie and the game. It doesn't take a crack research team to pick up the CD liner for the first game to know that Lara Croft's father's name is Lord Henshingly Croft. According to movie's account of Lord Croft, it appears that he's been long dead, and Lara's mother has been dead even longer. The movie suggests that the death of Lara's parents takes place while she was still a child. This is in stark contrast to the story-line provided by the CD liner from the first game which clearly states that Lara Croft attended finishing school, and was promptly disowned by her parents after returning from a ill-fated skiing trip. I can only assume her living parents disowned her. We'll get into this more later.

The other tragic loss of the movie was that of Winston, Lara's faithful old butler from the video games. Winston, after faithfully bringing tea to Lara in the first three games was axed from the movie without any explanation. Avid Tomb Raiders know that Winston (a.k.a. "Jeeves" by a fair number stubborn hold-outs that refuse to accept our word that the game designers at CORE Design named the old-fart Winston) has at least as big a following as Lara herself. Not to discount Chris Barrie's performance in his portrayal of Hillary, Lara's butler in the movie, but I was looking forward to seeing our cute little old tea-toting flatulence-ridden Winston shuffle around the Croft Manor. When the thugs break into the house, Hillary hops into action, unlike our familiar Winston who is was nowhere to be found when trouble came a knocking on the Tomb Raider II. Armed with a police-style shotgun, Hillary didn't managed to hit a single mercenary. I'm certain our own Winston, if he had been armed and managed to muster up the courage, could have managed to knock down a few of those buggers. Wouldn't you agree?

There are a few other details where the movie drifts from the game. For instance, Lara's hallmark little brown backpack has been replaced with a sleek little black leather thing. Credit to Simon West, director, for dreaming up a the fly little thing, which can be snapped onto Lara's motorcycle as easily as it can be strapped to her back1. And not that the skull and cross bones on Ms. Jolie's belt buckle isn't pretty cool, it's just not the flat shiny buckle I'm used to seeing. Gtanted that the enormous shiny flat belt buckle was originally put there to hide an ugly defect between the torso and pelvis polygons in the original "Tomb Raider" game, we've come to think of it as standard equipment for Lara. You're probably thinking, that's pretty nit-picking of me, but hey, if they're going to give you the camera shot that shows off the buckle, then they're setting themselves up to take the criticism.

A simple phone call to CORE Design could have easily confirmed most of these details, but that's artistic license for the writers, I suppose. I still think that Simon West should have tracked down Vicky Arnold, the story writer for the first three Tomb Raider games, and hired her as a consultant for this movie.
She's Got Game
Okay, now for the parts of the movie that did contribute something to the Tomb Raider franchise. Here are a few tidbits that a hard-core Tomb Raider player would probably have noticed.

Most notable was the inclusion of the "training level" at the beginning of the movie. Oops, I guess that was a spoiler, but think about it. What the heck is a big mechanical robot spider-monster doing in an ancient tomb? Lara's calisthenics in the movie is clearly more rigorous than what we've experienced in the first three games.

Another cute detail is the revelation of what the magical substance is in all those Medi Packs that Lara picks up in the game. It's got to be the same stuff as in the tea that the Cambodian monk gives to Lara to drink in the movie.

I think the set and the outside shots of the Croft Manor in the movie were perfect. The mansion in the movie is precisely what I expected to see. The estate grounds and the gate all hearken to the game's rendering of the manor. In fact, the immensity and splendor of the manor in the movie feels more appropriate than the little house I'm used to seeing in the games.

Lara's bike is still a Norton, but a highly modified one. I had mentioned that one of the features of the motorcycle in the movie is that Lara's backpack can snap off of her shoulder straps and snap onto the gas tank of the motorcycle. This feature was described by Simon West, but it was certainly not exploited much in the movie.

In regard to Lara's arsenal, the clip dispenser for her pistols is a nice touch, as it helps alleviate the "how can Lara keep shooting those things without reloading?" question.

The little detail revealed in the movie which suggests that Lara had a stint in some kind of mercenary army helps explain where Lara gets some of her expert marksmanship and other military skills.

The settings were great, and nicely shot. Simon West was very proud of the fact that the movie takes place in locations different from that of the games, but we all know that Lara's been to Cambodia (training levels in "Tomb Raider IV: The Last Revelation") as well as Venice (Tomb Raider II). And someone can correct me of I'm wrong, but I don't think there are any Inuit people in Iceland, are there?
What Have
You Done
With My Lara?
Then there's Lara herself. I'm not sure what I was expecting, so I don't mean this as a criticism to Ms. Jolie's acting skills, the screenwriter's writing skills, or Simon West's directing skills. I guess I've spent so much time transcribing video sequences from the games and reading e-mails form Vicky Arnold and Richard Morton that I feel that I know Lara Croft's character, and I'm not sure what it is about the movie, but it wasn't quite her.

Of course, one must mention the most obvious of Lara Croft's assets that the movie-makers must address. In order to make Ms. Jolie's already adequate figure more "Lara-esque", she was padded so that Ms. Jolie would have a cup size that video gamers are accustomed to and media hype is expecting. Actually, one should note that Lara's heft is greatly exaggerated on the cover of the game boxes and in the full motion video sequences in the game. Lara's cup size in the games themselves are actually not as inflated. This is not meant as a criticism to Ms. Jolie's physique, but let's all face it. The video game Lara Croft is downright unnatural. In order to even get a close facsimile of Lara Croft's Barbie waist as well as her other more ample assets, one would have to start with a model like Kate Moss, and hang silicone prosthetic boobs, as well as a butt and hips. Ms. Jolie's fit, but she doesn't have the insect waist.

If you haven't seen the movie, but have caught on to the aggressive marketing of the Tomb Raider movie, which is suggestive of the existence of some racy scenes in the movie, let me remind you that this movie is rate PG-13 in the US. However, unlike in the second game of the Tomb Raider series, you are finally allowed into Miss Croft's shower, but true to the game, you won't get to see anything. Okay, I guess to be fair, you get to see Ms. Jolie's back and a glimpse of the corner of a boob here or there, but this movie isn't about seeing Lara Croft in the buff. In fact you'll get more of Alex West' nude form than Lara's. Don't be disappointed, not only was this totally expected, it's absolutely necessary. Face the facts. If they gave you even a hint more, then it would reveal a serious continuity discrepancy between Ms. Jolie dressed form and her undressed form. If you're coming to this movie for this, then you should either save yourself eight and a half bucks and skip it or spend it by seeing "SwordFish" instead. I hear you get a good view of Halle Berry. And to stem the flood of emails that I'm sure will follow this review, there is no nude code for the movie. That's right! Not even a patch.

The movie does give Lara moments, albeit brief, of tenderness and weakness. The shot of Ms. Jolie sitting on stairs after having receiving the letter from her late father was good camera work The scene make Lara feel small to the viewer when set against the enormous stairs. Every scene where someone mentions Lara's father or when Lara recalls her father elicits similar emotions from Lara in the movie. We haven't seen much of that side of Lara in the video sequences of the video games, and it's nice that the movie attempts to give her a human side, but it's just not the same side as I imagined.

I guess all along I've assumed that Lara's behavior can be explained as acts of rebellion in order to elicit attention from her estranged parents. Casting Lara Croft as a tough-on-the-outside, but hurt-little-girl who misses her dead father on the inside may appear to be only slightly different from Lara Croft, tough-on-the-outside, but hurt-little-girl getting into all kinds of crazy situations because she is trying to win the respect and admiration of her parents who had disowned her, but in my opinion, this is a huge disparity in Lara Croft's motivation between the games and the movie.

One of the earlier screenwriters for the movie was interviewed by executives at Eidos and was asked if he was one of those tree-hugging ecological types, and the writer answered emhpatically how his script will have Lara shooting down any endangered species that moves2. The movie itself doesn't have too many deaths. No endangered species were killed, as far as I remember, and in fact, I can't recall that Lara actually killed any of the mercenaries. Sure she shot them, hit them, drop them from the balcony of her house, slapped one across the head with the rear wheel of her motorcycle, but nowhere did the movie suggest that Lara actually kills someone, though she did leave Manfred Powell behind in the end of the movie. I'm glad about this, because this is always how we've attempted to portray her in our transcripts and supplemental plots on our web site.

Then there's the whole "Lady" Croft thing in the movie. Okay, if her father, Lord Croft is dead, then sure, I can see that she would inherit the title of Lady, but that's not something we've ever thought about in the games. The title was strange in my ears.

On the bright side, I'm pleased to see that our Miss Croft spent the movie appropriately dressed for her adventures. The hot pants aside, the necessary support for Ms. Jolie's additional endowment was provided by a modest brassiere.

I am a bit surprised that the movie made such a big deal about Lara acting more ladylike, and suggesting that Lara Croft rarely dons dresses. I've always assumed that Lara can be as comfortable in a high-society gathering as in a dusty tomb in Egypt. I think the first Rome video sequence clearly shows this in "Tomb Raider V: Chronicles".

Lara's sense of humor and ability to come out of any situation with her humor intact, which I think is probably the most important aspect of her character, seems to be preserved in the movie. Gamers can certainly relate to Lara Croft's comment about being tired of going to Egypt. One-liners roll of off Ms. Jolie's confident lips throughout the movie. I think that's what made the movie "fun" for me.
Cutting Room Floor
I assume that much of the movie ended up on the cutting room floor, but I'm not sure why. I don't even know if it was cut from movie during one of the several rewrites or during the editing of the movie itself.

One of Lara's cute one-liners which was featured in several of the trailers for the movie never made it into the movie itself. The scene in question where Lara has an exchange with Powell regarding being partners, where Lara tells him, "But you might try to kill me." And Powell answers, "I'm not going to kill you." And Lara replies, "I said you'd try." Maybe I missed this scene, but I don't recall seeing it in the movie. The action was quite fast, but I don't think I actually fell asleep.

Then according to an earlier version of the Tomb Raider entry at the Internet Movie Database [IMDB], Larson, who would have been played by Mark Collie would be among the key cast. As far as I recall, I don't believe Larson was in the movie at all. The same cast listing lists Wilson, the auction house antique expert, and Alex West as lead parts, but in fact the most important character besides Lara herself was the part of Manfred Powell.

Perhaps we'll have to wait for the DVD release to explain and reveal all the changes, missing characters and missing scenes, but it strikes me as curious.
Hash and Rehash
As for the story, what little there was, was very much Tomb Raider game like. Not much of a story and lots of running around from one scenic spot on earth to another. Unfortunately the movie has a fewer locations that I had imagined. I guess after having just finished "Tomb Raider V: Chronicles", I was expecting more locations.

Strange artifacts molded from a meteor that falls from the sky and hits a cold remote icy location? Been there and done that in "Tomb Raider III: The adventures of Lara Croft". Having to combine several pieces of artifacts that is found in various locations? Been doing that in since the original "Tomb Raider" and more recently in "Tomb Raider IV: The Last Revelation" and "Tomb Raider V: Chronicles"

The necessity of retrieving powerful ancient artifacts before the greedy bad guy and having to choose between possessing infinite power or destroying it to save the earth. Haven't we seen this somewhere before? Not that original a story, so I think Simon West doesn't bore you too much with the details of the story. He's treating you to a high-speed romp across the globe. It was probably a wise choice.
I Am Bryce
Finally, we should note that there's this nerdy sidekick, Bryce, in the movie. Bryce isn't mentioned in any of the Tomb Raider video games, though there is a similar helper in the most recent game. Bryce isn't a love interest in the movie. Bryce doesn't live in the Croft mansion, but just outside of it. Bryce is a techno-weenie that tells Lara what to do to defeat a small detachment of mercenaries. Bryce is often verbally abused and repeatedly teased by Lara. Bryce, who hangs around Lara and appears to be integral to Lara Croft's adventures, but doesn't do any of the physical stuff. How does Bryce fit into this movie? In my opinion, he's the truly brilliant part of this movie, because he's the "player".

I believe that Bryce is more than just an additional supporting character in the plot, like Zip is from "Tomb Raider V: Chronicles", but rather I think the writers are using Bryce to give a nod to the lot of us who've been supporting this franchise for five years, even in spite of the "more-of-the-same" bad press. Give yourself a pat on the back, because we all have made this Tomb Raider thing what it is. If you've watched the movie, then you've slapped down another eight and a half bucks toward keeping Lara Croft alive. That's the part we've played.

As usual, your comments are welcome.
Footnotes:
  1. I saw this in a behind the scenes interview with Simon West.

  2. As reported in Premiere magazine.